just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
