When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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