ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I did not marry a roomba.
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