You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
