my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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