You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize