apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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