Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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