I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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