True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
