I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
