when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
