please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
did i just pee glitter
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
