I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
