her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
