New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
