She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
