she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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