She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
