atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
