Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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