I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
