I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
