At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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