I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Please don't give away my fajitas
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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