In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
