I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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