this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
