youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
