I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
