ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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