the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
