i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
