Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
