How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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