I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
