I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
