Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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