Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize