I wanna bring you to show and tell
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize