oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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