Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
