i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
