1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
