You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
