I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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