i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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