I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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