she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
