You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
