If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize