so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
