Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
