she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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