I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
