just come out here and I will go home with you...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
