Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
