We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
