and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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