Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
