It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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