I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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