Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
