they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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