I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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