my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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