Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
