Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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