He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
