I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
