I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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