we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
