i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So much Jack, so little girl.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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